Eventually I went inside and smoked the Salvinorin. It came on very
strong and I felt as though the universe I inhabited was being severely
tweaked. All of a sudden there was a sensation that the universe began
rotating on an axis that was perpendicular to its normal planes of rotation.
Normally the earth spins around its own axis, while also moving around
the axis of the sun, while our whole solar system spins around some other
point in the galaxy, etc. The motion of all these
rotations tends to be along a relatively flat disc. as can be seen inphotographs of galaxies. The motion which I felt appeared to be a shift where everything began rotating at a perpendicular angle to the galactic disc. I was aware that I was high on Salvinorin at the time this occurred. However, I felt that this event was something which had nothing to do with my inebriated state, but was a massive change being felt all across our planet at the time. There was also the sensation that time had stopped, that everything had stopped revolving around its axis and had slowly begun to revolve in the opposite direction.
I then had a sensation where I could see around the edge of "existence,"
and saw an opposite. or negative image, of everything in this sphere of
existence. As this occurred I began repeating some words. I'm not positive
of exactly what I said, but it was something on the order of "We are the
reverse side of your existence." As this happened the whole concept of my
existence as a particular person seemed quite ludicrous and artificial.
With this perception it seemed as though the universe had collapsed and
turned inside out. And the concept that I had an identity as a particular
human being, or even that at' "I" existed, was entirely pulled out from
beneath my feet. The thought that came to mind immediately after this
occurred was that this was psychedelia in its truest form, where the sense
of identity dissolves and "mind-manifesting" occurs at every level.
Next I found myself in what I can only describe as a black hole of
identity. According to scientific literature, a black hole is created when
a giant star collapses to become an object smaller than a single atom. The
black hole is of such incredible mass, density and gravity that even light
cannot escape from it, What I experienced was like a type of gravity which
held my being so strongly that it could not escape to form an identity. I
felt as though I were within a dimensionless. spherical, enclosed
universe, perhaps something similar to Einstein's perception of curved
space-time. Within this closed universe ii seemed that all forces, such as
gravity and centrifugal force, were somehow reversed and opposed to how
they normally function. A million impossibilities seemed to exist. It felt
as though events in my life during the last few hours, days, weeks, and
months had been building up to this experience. In the state in which I found myself it seemed that everything was real, all possibilities, opposites, absurdities and
fictions existed quite comfortably here. And it seemed that time was on a
revolving or repeating trajectory. Within the closed sphere, millions of
concentric gears were spinning around and through each other in every
which direction. If the ego began to establish an identity for even a
fraction of a second it would seem to get chopped in half, being severed
as though placed between two opposingly spinning gears. Each time this
occurred there was a moment of anguish and pain. And just moments later,
as the wheel of time revolved around again, there would follow a sense of
relief that I was not stuck with the identity I had just tried to form.
One of the most profound perceptions that I had was of seeing my life
millions of different angles. It seemed that the life I had led was like a
drawing etched into the multi-dimensional fabric of space-time, every
action I've taken and thought I have had forming a turn or a branch in
this complex carving. What I experienced while in this state was millions
of other possible lives of my person. For every decision I've made in
life, a duplicate of myself is formed in nonexistence that chose the
opposite of the decision I made. While in this bizarre state of mind, or
non-existence, I was simultaneously experiencing these millions of
alternate persona, and with vivid recollection of all that had transpired
in their oppositely directed lives. And through these million persona I
was staring into the face of the single line of existence I had chosen to
pursue in life. While on other psychedelics I've perceived what has felt
like everything that has happened in my current life, but I had never before experienced all the alternate lives I could have chosen to lead. It occurred to me sometime around this point that I must be dead. It seemed an impossibility that I could undergo what I was now experiencing and still have a connection to a mortal body. Upon perceiving this there was a slight bit of disappointment, a feeling that I'd left the plane of living before I was planning to, and regret that I'd left many
things uncompleted in life. I remember saying to myself "Oh shit, I really
did it this time. I thought I could get away with skirting the edge of
immortality and keep coming back to my body, but this time I went a little
too far." As time continued, however, I noticed the force within the black
hole starting to subside. I would occasionally have longer periods of
identity, including moments that seemed within my previous perceptual
framework. As this was occurring I still did not know whether I would ever
exist in my familiar body, but I began developing hope that I would. There was also a feeling that I had to "ride out" the experience I was going through, and
should not attempt to grasp a familiar identity right away.
By the time I knew I would be returning to my body again, and was able
open my eyes and look at the clock, approximately two hours had passed
since I'd smoked the Salvinorin. At this point I was about 80% back to
normal. It took another hour until I was completely back and ready to get
up off the bed. Both the intensity and duration of this experience were
quite different than any of my previous Salvinorin journeys, which have
all been between 20 and 40 minutes.
Subsequent experiments smoking Salvinorin when well into an LSD journey
have produced similarly discomforting results.